For three years I was afraid to come out. At 14, I was so scared of myself for being attracted to other girls, that when I saw Leslie (my first female crush) I would start panicking and would go to the bathroom to try and “pray the gay away”. At 16, when I had my first boyfriend I opened up about wanting to know what it would be like to date a female, and his reaction made me feel ashamed of myself, as if I was wrong. I told myself that I could just live my whole life without ever knowing, and without anyone else ever knowing.

I was raised by my sweet southern Christian mother, and my drill sergeant father. Neither of whom really know much about the LGBTQ+ community. So, I grew up hearing that it was a choice; that being gay was an active decision one makes because biologically men and women are meant to reproduce.

In this chapter of sociology, we discussed heterosexism: the “belief in the superiority of heterosexuality and heterosexuals”. It also briefly discusses the act of coming out as “to openly declare one’s true identity to those who might not be aware of it” (Ferris and Stein 263).

The people in this video shared their coming out stories; but we only have coming out stories because of heterosexism. As a society, we have historically assumed that being heterosexual is normal, and that any crossover with gender roles or homosexual tendencies is wrong; leading heterosexuals in our society to believe that they are superior or somehow better than non-heterosexuals. A clear example of this was the fight for gay marriage rights. The fact that there was even an argument about whether or not gay people should be allowed to be married shows that we live in a heterosexist society.

The interviewees of this video talk about the fears they had when coming out. This is the result of heterosexism. One woman was afraid that her mother would not love her anymore, and the man wanted to educate himself first, so he could properly inform others on their misconceptions when he came out. Heterosexism in our society has made many people, to include myself and the individuals depicted in this video afraid to open up about our true sexual identities. Often times there is backlash including microaggressions, but in extreme cases people can become violent towards the individual that is coming out.                             

Fortunately, like one of the women in the video my mother was understanding (eventually). I had no reason to fear coming out to my friends or peers, it was really just my parents. I had always been told that they would love me no matter who I loved but growing up hearing the misconceptions and microaggressions from my parents had caused me to feel “less than” for not being strictly heterosexual. Heterosexism is rooted so deep into our society that we typically don’t notice it unless someone (usually the person effected by it) points it out.

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